Happy Hour Special
Adrienne and Jake take on Michigan versus The World
After a glass of Brewery Vivant’s Farmhand and a good deal of conversation, we come to a crossroads. We could leave; we could get one more beer; or we could do as Adrienne suggested and get a flight. Her rationale—that we would taste a lot of different beers—seems sound, and who am I to stand in the way of a chance to cover more beers for the Awesome Mitten? Clearly that would a disservice to you, dear reader. What follows are the notes from the eight beers in Flight #7 Michigan Vs. The World.
The waitress arrives with the Michigan versus The World flight.
J: I think you have to, uhh…
A: Is it a one versus one?
J: It’s a round, yeah.
A: You slam half I slam half.
J: Okay, let’s go.
New Holland’s Sky High Rye
J: It’s not really that hoppy, but…
A: It’s really bad. It’s terrible. So far, Michigan sucks. Oh my god, that was terrible. For the record, that was terrible.
(Adrienne takes a drink)
A: This one isn’t offensive, but it’s not cold.
J: That’s how they serve it…in the world….
A: I don’t like the world…fucking, I hate Michigan and the world. Now I have nowhere to live. It doesn’t really have a taste. I don’t know, maybe I’m still scarred from that Michigan one.
J: Really? I definitely tasted something I can’t put my finger on.
A: That was not Boddington’s.
A: No. Wow, that was disappointing.
J: Really? I thought it might’ve been good. I can’t tell what the heck it tastes like though. I feel like we’ve failed at this.
Black Magic Rye PA
A: This one’s kind of tasty, it’s caramel-y. I mean, it’s a little bit hard on you. It’s not what they say it is, obviously. That tastes New Holland-y.
J: I bet that is New Holland.
A: I love it when we have to connect the dots by ourselves. This is not helpful (points to the book). It’s like “remember that one that we liked that was really awesome? Now we’ll never know.”
J: Unless we take scrupulous notes.
A: Tastes like Dragon’s Milk to me.
Murphy’s Irish Stout
J: That’s warm, too.
A: I could drink a lot of that.
Bell’s Two Hearted on Cask
How the Waitress Described it: The Two Hearted will be a little bit warmer because it is served at cellar temperature, so it’s English style and it’s hand pumped, so if you normally drink Two Hearted it’ll have a little different flavor to it.
J: Oh this is the cask…(sips)
A: Oh you need to drink more than that! I see what you’re trying to do here.
J: This actually isn’t bad! I normally don’t like Two Hearted.
A: Me either.
Halfway through our flight, Adrienne gets a brilliant idea.
A: I think we should get a bunch of little cups of stuff we like and call it our own flight. This is the Adrienne-Jake flight.
J: Put it on the menu.
A: Call it…
J: Make them put Awesome Mitten something on it.
A: Oh my god! We should do an Awesome Mitten flight! And it’s only Michigan beers, and a lot of them. Is there one of those yet?
J: (Checks the book) Umm…Michigan micro mania super happy fun time…
A: Yeah, but there’s not a bajillion of them, it’s only eight bucks. Oh yeah, see? We could do that. It’s going to have to happen. They’ll do it…
J: The Delirium Tremens.
A: The Delirium Tremens? I feel like that’s some kind of disease that you need antibiotics for. Ok, I’ll start. This glass is sticky; it doesn’t give me much faith.
J: Good? Bad?
A: I’m not going to tell you. (hands it over)
J: Ehhh, oh God. It smells like a rotting old house.
A: I’m not going to argue with you. Tastes a little like a rotting old house. What is that stuff?
(Jake drinks, then grimaces)
A: Do people order that?
J: I imagine that’s what cider tastes like after it goes flat and you leave it out for a year.
(Waitress comes back)
A: We decided that one was disgusting.
Waitress: Which one?
J: The Delirium Tremens.
Waitress: Really? That’s actually a really popular one.
A: It is?
Waitress: Yeah, it’s actually the pink elephant one over there.
A: Then it’s totally because of the marketing.
Waitress: It’s one of our more expensive pints, too. It’s a Belgian double or something like that.
A: It’s like socks that have been in old shoes that have been wrung out.
Waitress: It’s kind of like a banana maybe?
A: Yeah, there’s definitely a banana. Like a banana Runts flavor, not actual bananas. It’s like banana essence. That was the worst beer I’ve ever put into my mouth except Natty Light.
J: I’d rather drink antifreeze.
A: That was fucking…that was terrible. I’m going on the record as saying pink elephant blows. That was fucking terrible. Makes me want to eat sand.
J: It’s just not going away.
After a quick internet search, we find that it is one of the 50 best beers in the world.
J: Quickly, the next one!
A: That’s Stella! It’s pretty good, it’s reliable.
(Both drink the last beer)
A: It’s okay. A little cough syrupy at the end. Like Robotussin. They should just call it Robotussin.
J: Yeah, oh my god. That’s straight up cough syrup.
A: There definitely needs to be an Awesome Mitten flight. This is research on what not to do. I feel like, I mean, the Stella was delicious, of course. There were two things on the Michigan side that weren’t offensive.
J: I like the Stella and I like the stout.
A: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. That was ten years ago. That was before the DTs. Ugh. Worst beer I’ve ever tasted.
J: I think that’s….yeah, it’s the worst beer I’ve ever had.
A: We should order one more beer, and it should be your choice…
Jake Cagle, Feature Writer